dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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