i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
