bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
