1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
