gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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