What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
