It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
