Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
