i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
