Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
