yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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