I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize