Im at strip club and am horny
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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