I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
