Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
This is classic penis vs brain.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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