I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
