why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
