So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I am spending my child support on dildos
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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