He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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