I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
