I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
