There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
