you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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