Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think I died a long time ago.
I can text with my tongue
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
