just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
