Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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