It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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