soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
