I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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