If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
There was a lot of him and a little penis
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
