Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
