Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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