He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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