I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
