never play flip cup with pint glasses
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
