I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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