You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
