That's intense
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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