i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
