They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
