I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
