life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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