I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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