This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
