I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
