4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Found your dick twin last night
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
