i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
