i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
