my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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