It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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