So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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