Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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