I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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