i barfeds in our rink
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
