my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
