She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
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When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
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he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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