So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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