I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
