There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
