1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
