i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
