I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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