True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
