We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
