I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
