Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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