you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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