Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
