The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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