The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
