Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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