Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
