I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
