i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
