I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I am available for nakedness
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
